Reflection
by Katie Dazuru
Summary: She didn't need to know. She probably wouldn't want to know. She didn't have to know. And yet he wanted her to know. But he couldn't risk breaking her heart. Contains mentions of suicide and self-harm. Please don't flame.


**Truthfully, I don't know WHY I wrote this. I just had an urge to practice my 'angst' writing (again). I'd appreciate reviews, but you don't need to if you don't want to.**

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_Sometimes, he regretted his life._

_He had been an accident; the end result of a one-night stand. His 'father' had hated him from the minute he had been spawned, and told his 'mother' that if she didn't get rid of him then he would leave._

_His mother had kept him._

_It wasn't exactly helpful that he looked so much like his father: gravity-defying chocolate brown hair with brown eyes to match. His mother had noticed that, and he figured that was what had driven her to the edge. He had only just turned four, and he returned home to find the house empty. He climbed, with great difficulty, up the stairs to his mother's bedroom. He gently pushed open the door, calling out a soft "mommy?"._

_The sight that welcomed him still plagued his memories even today. The crimson blood spattered onto the wall, making the room smell unbearably disgusting. He didn't remember if he had screamed or not, but at that moment in time the only thing he could see were his mother's lifeless green eyes – the once bright fire in them having diminished._

_He must have screamed, _must have_, because that was when his neighbours had rushed into the house to find him staring into the room. The Dazurus' were nice people, and they had a son his age: Keith. He had been ushered out of the house by Keith's mother, while Keith's father rushed to the phone. Everything else seemed to be a blur after that; he was taken in by the Dazurus' and was brought up alongside Keith, and they formed a bond so they basically considered themselves brothers._

_They were similar, in a way, with their optimistic and bright attitude – though his smiles were more forced than genuine._

_Years passed, and he and Keith went to Almia to attend Ranger School. It went by fast, but that was when his life began to go downhill again. Keith became friends with a blonde named Rhythmi, and two twins named Kellyn and Kate. From then on, Keith seemed to spend more time with them that with his own 'brother'._

_Then came graduation day._

_He silently hoped that he and Keith would be stationed together, so they could spend time with each other like in their childhood. But no, Keith was sent to Fiore along with Rhythmi and Kellyn while he stayed in Almia with Kate._

_He hadn't been a big fan of Kate, as she had been one of the people who had 'stolen' his brother from him. She tried her best though; to become friends with him. But he could never been truly bothered to care. Eventually, she got the message and left him alone._

_The world went dark for him then. He became more silent and insecure than he had been, and eventually became the former shell of himself. There was so much pain in his life, and he just wanted it to go away. He found himself almost every day in the bathroom, and there was always that feeling of _relief _when he allowed his blood to flow. And for the first time in forever, he smiled._

_No one knew of what he did, and then Kate and he were transferred to the Union to become Top Rangers. There, he met up with Keith, Kellyn and Rhythmi again. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. He mentally hated Kate when she ran up to his 'brother', and Keith smiled and hugged her. He turned to him, called out a "hello" before his attention was once again turned to his friends._

_Could no one see what they were doing to him? He noticed the darkness under his eyes, and how pale he had become. Whenever his 'brother' and friends were nearby, he just wanted to scream at them the truth, to beg them to help him, to stop him from going too far. But no, he always contained himself and ran off._

_One day, he actually contemplated on taking the same way out as his mother. He was prepared, but that was when he was transferred with another Ranger to another region to investigate. Her bubbly yet serious personality surprised him, and for once he found someone smiling at him, _for _him. But even she had no idea what he was and had been going through. She was just as oblivious as the rest._

"Hey? Are you alright? You seem out of it."

He looked up, before forcing out a fake laugh. "I'm fine, Summer. There's no need to worry."

She smiled back at him.

_She didn't _need _to know._

"Well, come on!" Summer cheered at him. "We're going to be late!"

_She probably wouldn't _want _to know._

"Okay, okay," he muttered, flinching slightly when she grabbed his arm. "I'm coming."

Her eyes sparkled.

_She didn't _have _to know._

"Hurry up!" she called back at him as she ran ahead. "Dinner'll be cold by the time we get there, Ben."

"Stop complaining!" he called back, rolling his eyes.

_And yet he wanted her to know._

Summer glanced over at him. "You'll tell me anything, right?"

He looked back. "Of course! That's what best friends do, right?"

She grinned at him, happy with his answer.

_But he couldn't risk breaking her heart._


End file.
